reflections and deflections and occasional imperfections in and on Thailand

Things I will miss about Thailand.  (In blogs you are supposed to link to things.  So I linked to things that may or may not be useful)

And yes, of course I am happy to return to my family and friends and colleagues.  I am treasuring the moment I return to work and attend the Dean-a-thon where I learn, through a 42 page powerpoint presentation and after three years of sabbatical, that the Dean of Agriculture has found a new way to double cumquat production in Bali.

We also learn that ‘cumquat’ is a funny word either referring to a fruit or an exercise proposed by Masters & Johnson.

Now getting to things I will miss.. I just had my last free breakfast that costs four dollars a day.  I pay for the free breakfasts when I check out of the hotel, so every day they’re free.  True Fact:  if you don’t pay for something the moment you get something, it’s free.  Every bank heist you commit is a total success until you get caught.  

I
 will miss laying by the pool every morning.  Is laying in the sun each day good for you?  No.  But my friends, family and colleagues require empirical proof as I return some January day, that I was in Thailand.  And that means a tan to show off.  As well as several irregularly shaped areas on my skin, three of which look like (from left to right) Australia, Africa and Idaho. 

I will miss Thai food.  I will miss pointing to pictures on menus since after 6 years of visiting Thailand I still can’t speak the language except for theThai words for “hello”, “thank you” and “Yes, I love happy endings—you saw the Wizard of Oz, too?”

But back to the food.  Be careful of the little red peppers.  Small but pack a powerful punch.  Kind of like Madeline Albright.  Coconut milk is added to so many dishes.  And for no extra money since the food is donated by the makers of Simvistatin.  Fun fact:  did you know the cholesterol reducing drug’s name “Simvistatin” comes from the Thai word “making you not die now.”? That is the truth as far as I know given the lack of research.  

The people are warm and wonderful.  And I remember well being told that everybody in Bangkok speaks English.  It is true that every Thai I met knew the word “English” as in “I speak a little English” meaning they knew how to say “I speak a little English.” But I almost always received a smile.  True story that’s true:  I went to the mall in Thailand to buy a fan.  I asked the salesperson in perfect English for a “fan.”  She laughed and walked away.  Then I found a group of salespeople and asked in a louder voice and more slowly, for a “fan.”  A larger group of young women walked away.  What I learned later is that “fan” is the Thai word for “girlfriend.”  So I was asking a bunch of Thai women to be my girlfriend.  And they all laughed and walked away.  I took note that representatives of all women in the continent of Asia laughed at me thinking I was asking for a girlfriend. So, not all Thai people are warm and wonderful.  Some are mocking.  

Night life of Thailand.  I am 58.  There are many TV stations offered at the hotel.  Some in English.  There are many soaps on Thai TV.  In every Thai soap opera, the mother says wise things to their children who sit patiently and listen to their mother.  The kids nod and then go on to playing head games with people of other genders—just like American children.  On Thai soaps, whenever the mother talks, they play flute music.  I don’t understand Thai, but I know that it’s the mother talking because she sounds wise and they are playing flute music.  I have bought a file of flute music that is now on my I-phone.  I will now play the flute music whenever I talk so people will think I am wise.  Try it.  It works.  If you play flute music while reading this, all my words take on added wisdom.  

I am about to embark on my 24+ hour plane trip home.  So I hope you enjoy these last sane words.  Sure United is about to engage me in a day’s worth of cramped seats, bad food in cramped trays, cramped terminals and probing airport security hands.  My life will be a solid day of disrespect, disregard and other words beginning with “dis-“.  But I get a lot of frequent flyer miles.  See you all soon.

Rick, December 29,2017